Swine flu. Run for my life!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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