my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
