Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
