We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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