Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
