just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
