he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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