Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
