my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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