I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
