dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
