I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
