i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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