he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
