its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
