Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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