My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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