Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
