then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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