took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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