i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
