Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
