I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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