new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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