If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
