Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
