Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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