Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's always time for handjobs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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