There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
3pm strippers are depressing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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