Yo dont text me then not text me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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