He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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