my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
