So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
