My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
