should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
