She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
