I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
