just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
