The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
