how can u be prego again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
