I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
