We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
