So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
