I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
