How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
