She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
