five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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