So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
