I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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