dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
