If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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