please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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