I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
