yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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