"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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