I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have post one night stand depression
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
