she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
