I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mom said you looked used
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
